The TPA is looking for a few good birds (that's the Turkey Protection Agency)

Cancer update= On Friday, I had radiation treatment #15 of 33. Still have to drag myself into the hospital, but a good friend gave me a song to help me through, One Foot First by Rosetta Pebble (find them online). I highly recommend listening carefully, the lyrics are very inspiring and they make me smile.

That's small potatoes right now though. I am in the midst of a new crisis. I knew I would struggle with this particular parenting issue. I just thought I had a few more years before I had to learn this lesson. The following is the assignment that was sent home for Miss Herself to work on this weekend:

Save the Turkey!

Dear Families,

We are asking all of our students to take the attached undressed turkey and give him a disguise so he is saved from being the main course at Thanksgiving dinner. You may take on a theme or just have fun dressing the turkey any way that you wish. In the past, some have been dressed like football players, dancers, etc... Cut out the turkey and glue him on the colored construction paper. Then use items around your house or yard to disguise him. Seeds, beans, leaves, fabric, or buttons are some possibilities. This can be a family event with moms and dads helping their (second) grader!

This is also a creative writing assignment. Students must then write 4 sentences about their turkey explaining the story behind his/her disguise. Use the attached checklist as a guide. Remember - have some fun and be creative with this!

I can't just do this for her???.... even if it is fun and the directions say I can help.
Why can't I do the Turkey assignment for my 2nd grader all by myself?
Does the teacher not know that I am a creative control freak?
Does she understand how hard it is for me not to take my daughter's story and run with it?
Or even worse, we are supposed to create a disguise... together...
OMG, I think the teacher is trying to kill me.

Yes, I know the directions say it can be a family event, but we all know that means that parents are allowed to guide but are supposed to take a support role, taking orders from the little dictator about what is and isn't allowed in the disguise. Letting them write and learn about being creative in the writing process. Offering ideas and patiently allowing them to be shot down by an attitude that rivals any teenage girl's best 'tude. There should have been a disclaimer that this was really an activity in perseverance and patience for all parents with a shred of creative desire.

So I made Miss Herself a deal, I would write a blog post about her assignment and post her turkey and story for all to read. I can take credit for the helmet and skates (I am supposed to finish them because she had to go to bed). Other than those two, it is all her work--ideas and writing 100% her own. I am going to include her "sloppy copy" because it is almost as entertaining as the real deal.

(and sitting here with her while we both wrote and created really was a lot of fun! I think we might have to do this more often.

Want to make Miss Herself's week? Create your own turkey with a disguise and story then send it to us! We will share what we collect with her class and here!!!
Twitter: @guppy_mom or via email: nicole c sturgeon at gmail dot com

This is the turkey that needs to be saved!

Looking forward to some Thanksgiving fun!

Halfway celebrations and a setback...

You have read correctly, I am halfway finished with chemo. The "AC series" (what is AC), is over and done with and I couldn't be happier to see something end. From most accounts AC was the more difficult of my chemotherapy treatments, and some say that I am on the easy side of treatment now. So I will throw out a giant "WaaaaaaHOOOOOO!" for that.

Up next is the Taxol chemotherapy and at the same time I start with the drug Herceptin. What does that mean???? It means that I have 4 more chemo treatments, they still happen every other week on Thursdays. The Herceptin chaser will happen every week to start, then every 3 weeks for a full 52 weeks.  (I can hear your jealousy from here.....) Unfortunately, today my white blood cell count was too low (1.7 when normal is between 4.5-10.5, and that range depends on your doctor/age/illness/whatever fabulous thing they have in store for you). I was not able to start this new series, and now everything is pushed back by 7 days. (bonus crap end of the deal, two more of the shots that improve white blood cell counts, but make me feel like I have the flu. Hopefully, two shots won't make me miserable.)

If I had to describe the feeling I have been carrying all day in one word, ANGER. I'm angry that I have more waiting. I'm angry that I don't feel like I'm sick (all being compared to my new normal of course). I'm really angry that I took an assload of steroids today to prep for the treatment and now I have to do all the detox for those without any "benefits"(do you have any idea how much they make me want to eat!?!?!?!). I'm angry that I haven't been very good at maintaining my composure and have probably taken it out waaaay to much on my kids. I'm angry that I have cancer.

BUT tomorrow is a new day. When it comes I am going to let go of my anger (ok not all of it will go just yet, but the little stuff, I can let some of those go for sure). I have 7 more days to celebrate being halfway done, just wait to you read about what I have done so far! My first act of not angry, I'm just gonna be bald for a bit. (unless I'm cold, which happens a lot especially now that places have turned on the air conditioners) Second, I'm going to the Detroit Race for the Cure and going to attempt to run a little of it (even if it is only 100 yards).

Halfway celebrations:
1A.  Another mammogram was done this week to gauge how big the tumor really is now. It was an interesting experience.... OUCH is the first word I have for you. This stupid tumor is so close to my rib cage that it is really hard to get it under the x-ray machine. I can only tell you that I nearly passed out. As in asked for a chair and water because I saw stars. Not being experienced in passing out I can only tell you that for me the "almost" experience was like the feeling you get when you stand up too fast and see stars. Only that they didn't go away right away and I hadn't moved. So I sat, drank my water, and got through all of my pictures. Then I asked for a glass of juice and crackers. While I was waiting for the radiologist to read the pictures, I had an opportunity to talk again with Nurse Nancy the Navigator. :) We were talking and I showed her my boobie binder that I take to all of my doctor's appointments. She was really impressed, but i think that her favorite part was the envelope that I keep all the cards and notes that I have gotten. I showed her some of my favorites, and she saw my coloring book pages from Elizabeth on the cover. Then she gave me more things to read (because she knew that I would read them, her words "lifelong learner")

So the tally of gropers was able to grow by one (total is now 15) and my tumor has shrunk from 3.7cm to 1.6cm. Halfway done and less than half the original size!!!!!

1B. Grosse Pointe North v Grosse Pointe South girls Varsity Soccer game to benefit breast cancer awareness. Almost immediately after I told my classes about the cancer I had a senior girl, Nadia, ask me if she could wear my name on her jersey in this game. (I think it was her asking that made me positive that being open was the best route on this journey, everyone needs to feel like they are helping in their little way. I really like being able to see the little things that remind me of how many people care.)

So proud of this girl!!!!! She has a heart of gold!!!!!!

2. Dinner out with good friends and good laughs. If you haven't had dinner with the love of your life and a best friend from the old days and her handsome hubby in a long time, I highly suggest that you make the time to do it. And pick a restaurant where you can watch the people go by on one side of you table and the cars go by on the other. We chose Palio in Ann Arbor, and got lucky that it was prom night for some school. The laughs started in the parking garage, Sean's first comment, "Elizabeth will never wear a dress like that." I almost peed myself (for the first time). It was a long purple dress, had (spaghetti--for the girls) straps, her make-up was reasonable, hair was a normal looking up-do, but the top of the empire waist had 1 inch holes at the top (maybe three rows worth).... Having been to both homecoming and prom recently, I was rolling and pissed that I couldn't get my camera out fast enough. He forgets my stories of sewing young girls dresses back together in the bathrooms and the number of pictures that I have avoided.

There are a few other sights I have to share. My favorite couple The Dragons. The girl was wearing a pretty white dress with a hand painted dragon on it. It really was gorgeous. Her date, Sean inserts the correction of her tool, had on a white tux jacket with a similar hand painted dragon. OK, I have to admit that in 10 years that will be an awesome picture. (Speaking as one whose mother still has prom pictures hanging in the house.) However, I have to agree that it is an interesting choice. Again, Sean brought up Elizabeth, something along the lines of I hope she never brings THAT home. Again, I laughed (with Corie's support), he has no idea what his daughter is going to be capable of. She is not my mini-me from when I was little..... I haven't met too many grown men who have said no to her requests followed by the batting of those killer brown eyes. Can't wait to see how this plays out. (*insert best wicked witch of the west cackle here* try it out loud, it feels good)

OK, one more, it was really good people watching. AND I think this next one might be a regular sight, so you could catch it. AND it makes me miss being in school when the weather changes, I have no problem telling my students that they are dressed like hussies. Three girls walk by in their little black dresses. I use the word walk loosely as it was more like a cross between a shuffle and a stumble because not one of them could walk in their heels. Unfortunately, walking was the least of their problems. Their dresses were probably all a size too small. You could, well we watched and laughed (and we were sober) and I may even have been guilty of pointing, see the heads of the restaurant patrons turning to stare. I know my bleeding heart friends are soooooo mad at me right now, but I tell you in the words of a wise woman, "someone else has to sit in that chair next." And I think there is special place reserved for me next to my hubby when we are no longer on this Earth, because who was seated right next to us, yup they were.... I wish I could tell you that the story could stop there, but it was entertaining to see what happened next. The girls not only couldn't dress, or walk in their shoes, but they also don't know basic etiquette. (I will excuse the phones out and all texting or whatever, I'm old. I still think if the average entree costs more than $20, and you have to order a salad separately its weird.) I CANNOT excuse the fact that not one of them crossed their legs at the table,not even the girl whose seat faced the street, Main street. If the cars weren't filled with old men and middle aged couples I swear our meal would have been ruined by the honks. My bleeding heart wanted to go over buy a round and tell them all that they were gorgeous and didn't need to show it ALL to prove it. (and I say all because we decided to skip the comedy show and have dessert, and when the girls left Sean and Marcelo got to see it ALL, think Brittany Spears.) So hopefully they will apply the standard mom test of can you touch your toes without a full moon, sit in a chair without sliming it, and walk safely next time.

3. Watched the Juggalos (Sean's hockey team sponsored by Albert's on the Alley in Garden City) play a great game Sunday to make it to the championship round for their Spring season. In regular Nicole fashion, I was busy talking to the other wives and missed Sean's one handed goal. I wish I could tell you first hand it was amazing, or that I had some piece of juicy gossip I could spill, but I can't. I can tell you that the glimmer of pride in his dad's eye means the world to me. I'm glad he didn't miss it. I love going to his games, reminds me of when we were dating. I love that now there are afternoon games and we can bring our kids out afterwards and they make friends as quickly and easily as we do!!!


So that brings us back to my big let down postponement. I have to say thank you to my GPN family for this week's care package. It was filled with all sorts of goodies, but there is one piece that has made my day and my mind think. It has inspired my change of heart about making sure that I keep my head covered in public to avoid the stares and the questions and well meaning people sharing their stories and kids with their innocent questions/comments. If I'm not cold, or feeling like Purple Betty needs a day/night out, then chances are I'm not going to be covered up the next time you see me. Thank you for all the love and support!!!! Lisa, I have a feeling we are going to need more of these...

So now I will work on another week of halfway celebrations.... If you are running/walking the Detroit Race for the Cure think of me and watch for me in my first pink shirt. I think I have done the RFC in some city or another for 11+ years always running/walking with the thought that curing one cancer will lead to more cures. I never thought I would be so grateful for the ladies in pink that have gone to battle before me. So while I still harbor a bit of my F&*K pink because the purple of Alzheimer's is in need of attention now, as I am celebrating my way through breast cancer survivorship I'm going to relent. I am going to be grateful for the support of all the amazing women in the most undesirable and most loving sorority ever.

So much to tell you!

I have been keeping a list of things I wanted to write about this week.

1. My cancer is not genetic. This is great news for my family (and sort of non-information for me)!!! What it means most importantly to me is that I have not passed this to Elizabeth and her chances of getting breast cancer, while obviously higher, are not in the 60th percentile. It means that all of my females cousins can rest a little easier knowing that their chances of having a genetic mutation on BRAC1 or BRAC2 is very small. Want to know more? I suggest checking out this website http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/BRCA

2a. What is it about farting that is so darn funny? I try and try to find my hubby's (and apparently almost all of the men that enter our home) "pull my finger" offers repulsive, but it just cracks me up that they have that much control!!! Seriously, my friend Laurie and I were talking about it at Christmas time, and it just isn't fair. Men seem to be able to just fart on command, women not so much. AND they seem to sneak out at the most embarrassing moments.... Nowadays, I am so pumped up on laxatives and softeners that most days/nights I sound like I ate an entire pot of chili for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. So I say excuse me, and have stopped turning quite so red in the face and hope that it leads to a trip to the bathroom. :)

2b. There is a sub story to this topic. Kids are so excited to be like their parents. Jake is already attempting the "pull my finger" game. His latest attempt is blog worthy. (He is 4 years old in case you need a frame of reference.) He was in the bathroom and we could hear him straining. "Mom can you come pull my finger." After I compose myself, slightly, I do what any good mom would do, I go pull his finger. Nada. I wish I had a camera at that moment the look of utter disappointment and confusion on the little guys face was precious. Then he had a twinkle in his eye, held up both pointer fingers, and said, "Try two."

(I wish I could end the story there, but I feel like you just have to know that two didn't work. Poor guy was so dejected, my father-in-law and I were just about in tears from laughing so hard. Laughter is great medicine.)

3. I love hearing from former students. I love knowing where they are, and what they are doing. This week I got an email from one of my former students. She had heard about my diagnosis and wrote to offer me encouragement and all that good stuff (all of which was well written and heartfelt and appreciated). BUT what touched me the most was not any of her words, but the email address she wrote from. It was from her school account at Michigan State University. I cannot begin to tell you how much that little bit means to me. For it was her not so hot grades in my class that probably kept her from being accepted right out of high school. I have to say that it was very difficult for me to know this information. She is an amazing young woman, but she made a mistake or two in my class and as I've been known to say more than once, "Choices have consequences." She was not accepted to MSU right away. She did a year of community school, reapplied, and was accepted!!!!!!! I am so proud of her for not giving up and getting exactly what she (and I) knew she could do. Proud, proud, proud, proud. 

3. You know those sample magazines that you get in gift bags and see at the doctors office? They offer all sorts of great article ideas on the outside and nothing but ads and junior high essays on the inside? Well, I was desperate and picked one up. It was as expected, with one exception. I read an article about a woman named Kris Carr. She has some crazy cancer that is untreatable, but gratefully slow moving. She has exactly the outlook on life that I strive to have AND she wrote a book (well I think she is up to 3 at this point). It is called Crazy Sexy Cancer, and I never thought I would laugh out loud from reading a cancer book. She is honest and brash..... I will put some of my favorite quotes at the bottom of this post. I hate when a good book ends, so I have been pacing myself to make it last. (I feel like a kid at Halloween rationing the best candy.) 

4. This pacing myself lead me to check out the website that is tied to Kris's books. Crazy Sexy Life is a great forum full of supportive people. BUT I read too much, I found myself not understanding some of the shorthand. I started to look it up, then realized that I didn't know something about my own diagnosis and treatment. I figured one piece out only to find myself seeking answers to more questions, it was a vicious circle. Then I started to compare my answers to questions in the forums, which lead to me freaking myself out. Seriously, I had to stop reading and log off. I had to remind myself that I have confidence in my decisions thus far and that my course of treatment is right for me. But fear is a hard feeling to shake, and I am still seeking answers, but in a better state of mind. (AND if you are looking for a new diet plan that is about being healthy and making better choices--cancer survivor or not-- you might consider checking out Kris's latest book Crazy Sexy Diet. I'm sure it is a great read if nothing else.)

5. My port has stopped bothering me quite as much and I was able to ride my bike a few times. It felt great!!!! I even manage to do 5 push-ups the other night. I have been getting my walks in, and even pondered a slight jog (maybe soon?). My next step is to try a little yoga to build up some strength and flexibility. BUT I think I have set myself a big goal, the Disney Princess Half Marathon. It is scheduled for February 24, 2013 (which happens to line up with our Mid-Winter break for next school year). One of the things THE BOOK suggested was not so much a bucket list, but pick 5 things you have wanted to do but not made the time to do. Life has a way of making you forget to stop and smell the roses or even to dream big. So if ya want to join me for this one, the more the merrier! Disney Princess Half-Marathon

A view from the top of the hill

You know the feeling that you have when you are sitting at the top of the first hill on a roller coaster? And, yes, I am aware that my question is a personal one, what do you feel right in that moment, right before the train takes off? Me, I feel a sense of anxiety, childlike-glee, a sense of awe and wonder at the beauty around me, and relief in a matter of moments. That is exactly how my weekend and most of the week have felt.

The Sturgeon household started its first week of Mom's Slowing Down with Easter Vacation. Since I was feeling pretty good (as in having normal moments that could be sustained briefly), we decided to hype up the Marshmallow Drop we read about on the flashing sign at the park entrance near the house. Sadly it took plenty of selling to the kids, but moms and dads were ready to see this for themselves. SO with family rallied, and poor planning on my part for what my health needs would be for this event. (water, who needs it?, chair/blanket? I am not going to get that tired.) We were ready for thousands of marshmallows to be dropped from a helicopter. (My poorly shot video should dissuade you from thinking "thousands of marshmallows" is as big as you think. BUT they did do it 3 times, ages 4 and under, 5-7, 8 and up.)

I hope that my pictures will work right (as in not overlap), but it seems to be escaping me!!!!!!!

What the heck has Aunt Nicole
gotten us to do now.....

Catching up, we have lots to do!!!!

Yeah, I picked mine up from under a
dirty boot and ate it anyway! So?

Cousins!!!! Oh, I mean Captains!!!

Cousins!!!! Oh, I mean Cuties!!!!!

Collective Awwwwwwwwe..... 

The Green Eyed Monster that is jealousy.

Easter weekend had lots of fun, even with a day on the couch thrown in for a good reminder. Easter the Bunny had fun and so did the kids! Plus, I took another leap, no I will call it a release of responsibility, and completely enjoyed letting the Thill Family do Easter dinner. It was wonderful as always! Well, except for Uncle Kevin's latest sabotage of the bits of good manners my children possess. If you thought the pooping stuff out shows from Christmas were funny, then this will crack you up. BUT if you have your own Uncle Kevin, this will crack you up and then you will nod your head with the knowledge that this is going to bite me in the ass at the worst possible moment.... mooning. Yes, they have both unsolicitedly dropped trou' and made some snarky remark. (which, for those who haven't heard my personal favorite unlearnable moment, is a step up from throwing frozen/semi-frozen/maybe-cold dog turds at each other one Christmas). So audience participation #1 what have you done to break bad habits? comment below (and not FB so I can keep the suggestions tied to the post) Please! 

This post is about this week's roller coaster ride from the station to the top of the first hill. I have to say that I am grateful that I have the knowledge that there will be sunny days that I get to enjoy. On Tuesday, I shirked nearly every real responsibility that I had set up for myself, made the trek to the park with the kids, my mom met us there after her bike ride, and we blasted off Rocket Balloons for an hour then played on the playground. Of course reality of how far I can actually push "good days" is starting to sink in. BUT IT WAS SO FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Relief from the oh-woe-is-me has been a true effort in Push Past. Push Past the idea that I can't enjoy life as I fight to get better. Some times it takes a cocktail and day in the freezing cold and snow with a best friend to make you realize that moving forward is allowed to be FUN. (see pic of two goofballs who are at the Tiger's game bundled up) So for that, Julie is hereby my Head Cheerleader. :) For her efforts to keep me from spending a fortune at the ballpark, she also gets a badge as an honorary Burke. (however, I still spent a fortune on Tigers stuff at JCPenny--I just got three times the amount of stuff!!)

Distraction came in the form of new invitations to BzzCampaigns. I got my most recent package--Kids Claratin. So far I have given it to them twice, and it seems to do what it says. Jake's runny nose got some relief and his eyes seemed to perk up. Eliz, not so sure she is an allergy case yet.... If you have kids with allergies I have some coupons to pass out ($3 off). Audience participation #2, let me know you will use them and I will send to as many as I can! AND I got a second invite which is more of a challenge. Live Below the Line is apparently an effort to see if you can live off $1.50 for food and drink from May 7-11th. I have accepted, and I don't think organic juicing fits into that budget. BUT it is something to consider in a broader picture, and I am going to ponder it. If you aren't a BzzAgent yet, and you like to get free stuff, tell people what you think about free stuff, like to give people discounts on the free stuff that you try, and don't mind filling out survey's now and then, I suggest I quick trip to www.bzzagent.com. Let me know if you have heard of Live Below the Line, or if you are thinking about challenging yourself/family.

We had a playdate and got to take a short walk. Couldn't pass up the opportunity for this photo opp! (next time we will convince Jakey's buddy to get in there too!)

And finally Chemo day was here again, treatment #2 down, 6 more to go! For my non-math friends, this makes my chemotherapy 25% done!!!!!

This time I had two chemo buddies, my mom and Elizabeth. At the last minute, she decided (really it more like insisted) that she wanted to join us, so we packed a bag of fun for her and were off to a long appointment. When the nurse poked into Pete-the-Port, I warned Elizabeth I might cry and asked if i could borrow Eeyore for a bit. I think she was a little nervous herself, so she didn't hand him over. She did however give me her furry jacket and said that it feels just like Eeyore and is more like my blanky (problem solver or self-serving doesn't matter because I am the one who has more than once given her jacket as a lovey to keep the peace). She also decided that the IV-pole is named Lumiere. It apparently reminds her of the candelabra from Disney's Beauty and the Beast.


This week I will be tackling diet and exercise. This is where the real participation is requested. I am planning for a high fiber, low fat concept. I am not very good at sticking to anything strict so, I guess my real request is for favorite recipes that fit this style. If you have the desire, links to cancer diet plans. AND if there is a nutritionist out there looking for a challenge: Our real need right now is a month plan/sketch that will keep my innards moving (I spared you the nightmare of that story for now), fights breast cancer, lowers cholesterol, tames ulcerative colitis, and is still kid friendly....

(and if that isn't up your alley and you have been dying to share some cancer/breast cancer related site or information with me with me please do!!!) 

Step 2: Start Chemo

I debated about how to title this post, actually I still think it needs work. Since I can't settle on one direction, I am going to go with some emotions and feelings that encompass what starting chemo meant for me. Hopefully, with some stories sprinkled in it will make for a good read!

I shall not fear--there is nothing to fear when you are following your heart. I'm not particularly churchy, but I am grateful for the faith that I learned from my parents. I am especially grateful for those who have allowed God into every inch of their lives so that they have words and sights of Him that I have been struggling with lately (Aunt Maria, your texts and words and smiles and prayers make a difference for me daily. If you've added me to your personal or public prayers I am grateful.) I am afraid of where this path is taking me, and how far it will knock me down, and how I will answer when Elizabeth asks why I am crying now..... BUT I at the same time I am not afraid. Tears are healing, doctors are wise (and when they operate as a team they are a mighty force). I have faith that while the path is bumpy and unclear right now, one foot in front of the other is going to work just fine. (I can even say good night prayers with the kids without tears now--"Good night God. I am going to bed. Work is over. Prayers are said. I am not afraid of night. You will watch 'til morning light. Amen"

Laughter makes you smile--even with a giant needle sticking out of your shoulder. So before I explain the laughter side, I suppose I ought to tell about my first chemo experience.

Chemo itself was remarkably unremarkable. An hour before my appointment, I applied my magic cream and covered it with Press-and-Seal. I said a little prayer that I did it right and covered the port properly so that the poke wouldn't hurt. Mom and I arrived at my oncology doctor's office right on time. I was still a bit sore from the port placement/biopsy surgery, but in good spirits and ready to blast the heck out of this cancer. We were called back quickly, and escorted past a row of recliners to room 2 (I will have to ask about the difference between the areas next time, my guess is that the row is for people who have short treatments or don't have company for the day). After I was weighed and blood pressure taken, Nurse Cheryl came in to start my IV. She explained everything she was doing. She cleansed the port area, and she and Mom had a chuckle about iodine. Something about a dropper bottle of it that you would clean your wound with then put the dropper back into the bottle... I felt like a kid, safe, protected. "Now I am going to stabilize the port. (she put her hand firmly around the port) Take a deep breath and relax." Then there was pressure and Cheryl declared the port working. I cried. Hard tears. Ones that I had been holding for a long time. It was nice to feel protected and safe and scared for that moment.

Then it was time to get down to business. She withdrew a syringe of blood that would be tossed and then a second so she could check my blood count. She brought back my copy of the blood count (my white cells, infection fighters, had been low and I was worried that with both kids on antibiotics that I may have been even lower and then this whole battle would be postponed). I was beyond ecstatic that they were up!!! Cheryl started the pre-drugs (4 total) for anti-nausea, they took a little more than an hour to drip in.  Then it was time, the Adriamycin was red in color and was put into the IV by hand. With promises of technicolor bathroom breaks, one down one to go. Then the Cytoxan was connected to the IV and another hour of dripping. Easy peasy lemon squeezey.

It was just after the good stuff started that I got a text message. It simply said, "Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?" After thinking for a moment, and knowing that I should know the answer, I replied that I had no idea. "She threw out all the W's." Good for a chuckle, but I have to share that my mom had me rolling in a matter of moments. She didn't get it, I really had to explain it. It had been a tough morning, but with that little joke and a good laugh things seemed to lighten up a little.


I get by with a little help from my friends--This is a long one. I have so many friends in big and small ways that deserve thanks that I'm not even going to feign that I am going to get you all. So no hard feelings, please, it is not intentional. Let's start with the ever close Facebook family. Those of you who click like and offer encouraging words, when the world seems quiet a single click reminds me that there are others out there.   Everyone should have friends (well I guess I should really call them colleagues, but it just isn't right) as good as I do. Between the numerous emails of support, the threats of making me go home early, and drive by offers of help (Barry, I may need that one particular offer in the near future) to the forget me not plant that is hopefully getting some sunshine across the hall and fighting its own courageous battle for life; I have truly been blessed with the best staff of friends ever. (I know I say it a lot, but I really mean it!!!) Then there are those that I will never be able to describe my gratitude for properly. Julie and Lisa, your box of chemo treats were a huge treat and reminder to take it easy. (I've finished The Hunger Games.)

Family--Near and far, blood, in-law, tribe..... I think that my favorite family quote from this week is from my Dad, "nothing tougher than a Zupsic." So far, I agree with the assessment. :)

Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
Franklin P. Jones


I have to include one last story. I am on an antibiotic to help keep my white blood cell count up called Nupogen. It has to be injected, and Sean has pulled the short straw on being the nurse extraordinaire. Elizabeth decided to be his assistant on his first go round. She promised to hold my hand and then disappeared. Sean needed a calmer environment so we went to the basement (that used to have such a different connotation). I was giving him instructions, when Elizabeth quietly slid her hand into mine. Sean said take a deep breath, I reminded him to go at an angle, and a quick second later it was done. Elizabeth quickly unwrapped a Barbie bandaid and covered the poke on my tummy. "All better?" 


Yep, I'm going to be all better soon enough. :)

Telling the kids

When to tell them, how much to tell them..... and what will help them to understand breast cancer and not be afraid. The when turned out to be easy. Elizabeth had to come to school with me on the same day that I was planning to tell my students. Since I had both Jake and Elizabeth that morning, I told them in the car. I don't remember the exact words, but it was something along the lines of I have a special kind of sick inside me that is going to take a lot of medicine to heal. Elizabeth asked some questions and wanted to know if I was going to cry all the time. She assured me that she would rub my back and tell everything is is ok just like I do when she cries. (Coincidentally, I have been more attentive to making sure that when I lose control and have to cry it out I try to make sure that she is not nearby.) Since then we have talked about all the changes that my body will undergo, her favorite thing to ask when I say I have a doctor's appointment is, "Are you going to get bald?" Soon, but not today.....

The other day Elizabeth hopped in to the shower with me, she was asking questions and wanted to know more. I asked if she wanted to feel the lump so she knew it was there and then she tell when it was shrinking after the medicine started working. She did, so I let her feel the lump (making her grope #12) and she asked if it hurt. Its tender, but it doesn't hurt if you are gentle.

Jake is just a little too young to really have much of a reaction. But he is a great echo and follows his big sister's lead very well.