Life tosses everyone some
lemons. I am starting to understand why the adage suggests that you make
lemonade; rarely do you just get tossed one lemon. If it was just one challenge
at a time the adage might suggest a shot of tequila and a slice of lemon to suck
on to drown the sorrows and move ahead, but instead it suggests lemonade. To
me, lemonade is a drink that implies a pitcher to share with young and old
alike. One that you would have waiting for unexpected company so that you could
sit and chat on the front porch. I have been told quite a bit that this little
blog is definitely a place for everyone who loves me to come and share a glass
of lemonade with me on my journey. So grab a glass, add some ice, a shot of
something fun if you want it, and don't forget the lemonade...... it is time
for another celebration!!!!!!!!!!
I am done with
CHEMOTHERAPY!!!!
It is hard to believe that
I have only been doing this for 16 weeks. When I started, I knew that the time
would go much faster than it sounded. I knew that it would be hard emotionally
and physically. I knew that I would never be alone. It is this last one that
has made the first leg of this journey soooo much easier. To those who have
sent cards and emails (especially those that have gone unanswered), THANK YOU.
I have all of them in my "boobie binder" and "BC folder"
that I take with me to each appointment. When the going got tough I knew that
you were there cheering me on.
I have to share with you
that this blog has a brutal editor. She doesn't let just anything get posted.
There are 3 half completed posts that will never see your screen because they
don't possess enough humor, have too much raw emotion (can't go freaking people
out), or just aren't interesting enough to let her click the publish button.
Take for example this paragraph:
It is just after midnight and I
should be snuggled into bed and soundly asleep. Alas, it is the Tuesday
before my LAST chemo treatment and I'm nearly as anxious as I was for the first
one. This time the anxiety is more from the fear of the future than from the
treatment. I know how chemo feels and that the side effects get progressively
worse with each treatment. Which means I have some serious night sweats and
joint pain coming my way in the next week, but I also know that this will be
the LAST treatment. (Can you read my personal pep talk between those lines? The
one that says that I will never have to do this again, ever? Because sometimes
that worry is the hardest part to overcome...)
Blah, blah, whining
again..... not going out to readers. I can't very well do that again. (even if
the night sweats and joint aches are a super suckfest that I don't wish for
anyone, ever)
There is one where I tried
to express my gratitude and excitement for Pig Roast 2012: Pink Roast.
So I have slowed down for 16 weeks. I have slept
more than I ever thought my body was capable of sleeping. I have sat on the
couch for entire days. I didn't teach an entire quarter of the school year. I
can't run, bike, or swim as far/fast/often as I want. AND the cherry on the top
of this suck sundae, I won't get to enjoy Pig Roast 2012 quite the way I would
like.
"Pig Roast?" you ask, "what's
that?" I will do my best to explain, but if you end up more confused than
you are right now you just about have it understood.
Pig Roast is the annual gathering of the Tribe to
celebrate life and all that it has given us in the past year. This year is the
18th time the Tribe has gathered and those who have stepped up to
organize the weeklong event made it intentionally close to me so that I could
be there for whatever my treatment/body will allow. Pig Roast is usually a
weeklong “vacation” with all the swimming, game playing, and camaraderie you
can imagine. The kind of weeklong fun and debauchery that has most tribe
members saying that they need a vacation from their vacation. I look forward to
this week every year. (with chemo and its hangover looming in the middle of the
weeklong festivities I am less enthused to go and watch instead of play, but I
love my tribe and treasure every moment we get together)
I know that means that I am now supposed to tell
you about The Tribe, but after three valiant attempts to describe this group of
people I am struggling. Remember when you were little and your parents would
say you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family? They were only
half right. Our parents forgot to tell us that sometimes there are
friends that touch our hearts and poison our livers enough that we end up
joined together in a beautiful extended family. It is those people, the ones
that end up more than friends that became The Tribe. In most circles of
friends, you are usually asked about who you know or what your connection is
when someone new is introduced. In the tribe the question is less of who do you
know and more of, “where was your first roast?” As the years go by it is fun to
reminisce about all the different places we have gone and the adventures we
have had.
In typical Tribe fashion, I measure my membership by
my first Pig Roast. For this city-loving, camping-is-done-at-a-campground girl
my first roast was at Muck-Leech Lake (I have no idea if that is the real name
of the lake or not, but it was mucky and full of leeches and I never went in it).
Sean and I arrived after a long drive, my first goal was to find the bathroom.
You can imagine my horror when I was pointed in the direction of the outhouse.
You can appreciate the people in my tribe when I say that by the time I
finished using the outhouse and walked back to the rustic campsite that the
tent was set up and a cold beer was waiting for me. (and for the record I only
had to pee… and it was an outhouse, in case you forgot… that had been used for
the better part of a week… they were that fast)
I see why this one was rejected by the editor there was not enough
gratitude or enough excitement. Blah, blah, you love them, blah, blah, whine
about being too sick to play along… Plus, this doesn’t even begin to do Pig
Roast or The Tribe justice.
I guess that just leaves this post with one question to answer, “Now
that chemo is done, what comes next in the cancer journey?” I promised in the
beginning to only take small steps at a time, but being more
experienced/informed allows you to see a broader picture.
Small step—surgery on August 2nd. Since the tumor has shrunk
and is considered to be responding to the treatments the plan is that surgery
will just be a lumpectomy (as opposed to a mastectomy). This means that they
will take out the cells where the cancer was along with a small bit of healthy
tissue (known as clear margins). Also, 3 out of the 4 lymph nodes that were
removed when my port was placed were cancerous, I will also have some of the
lymph nodes in that area removed.
Larger picture—I have to keep the evil port a little longer (it still
isn’t normal to me). I will continue to have the hormone drug Herceptin infused
every week until the beginning of September, then it will change to every 3
weeks until next summer. In addition, I will start radiation after surgery.
That schedule hasn’t been completely laid out for me, but I can count on 6-7
weeks of it.
So bottoms up on this celebration! There will be more celebrations to
come (maybe we will get lucky enough to run out of lemons for a while)!!! Thank
you again for stopping by and having a glass with me, I always love good
company.
