Has it really been a year...

I feel like I should apologize for my lack of writing, but that would be like apologizing for celebrating for the last 12 months... For those who have been reading that long, can you hardly believe that a year has gone by since I was declared a "pathological responder"??? (still my favorite way to say NO MORE CANCER IN MY BODY)

And yet as I type that sentence, I have to admit that this milestone isn't without its own touché moment. As in, haha caught ya thinking life was headed back to normal. Or, haha you thought you could start planning in to the future. Or, HAHAHA you thought this adventure was coming to an end.... Think again lady.

My team of doctors have been watching the cyst in my liver and the cysts on my ovaries pretty carefully the last few months. (Since it is late, I have to tell you that my brain wants to include a "don't drink the CT scan Kool-Aid" joke, but I am pretty sure that it is waaaaaay funnier in my head than as part of this post.) To add to the lurking cysts, at my last oncology appointment my doctor felt a new lump, this time in my left breast. I have gone for an MRI and an ultrasound, and that was followed by an MRI guided biopsy to confirm that it is just a lumpy boob. (still awaiting results)

I don't know how to describe my mood right now. Nervous, yes. Terrified, hell yes. Yet calm, I have a team of doctors whom Sean and I both trust. (a team of doctors I was looking forward to not seeing as much of....) I also have this sense of confidence that things will work out, but I don't have a gut feeling about what the path will look like. I don't know whether to expect a long battle, or if this is just a flash in the pan of nothingness. I mean really how much of a tool will I look like when I come to say, "oh it was nothing." And am I destined to have these thoughts every time my boobs feel a little lumpy??? And how often are my boobs going to feel lumpy???? Holy crap, am I going to have to go through this every time I go for a follow up appointment??? And how am I supposed to tell what is normal every day wear and tear on my body and what is something I need to think of as a potential symptom? How do you answer "how are you feeling today?" when asked by a doctor?

But I am letting go of those worries today. Today is a day for celebration. Today they take out my chemo-port!!!!! This is the milestone that feels like true completion, an end to a path. So the next time you see me it will be with one more scar and one less bump. Can't wait!!!